Help Me With My Grief

FESTIVUS 2009

2009-12-15T00:06:00.003-05:00

Our annual Festivus celebration is over and we're on to Christmas.

This is the second year we've celebrated Festivus...a made up holiday by Seinfeld which we use to celebrate Christmas with our friends, and family members who can't be with us on Christmas.

We have the kids decorate cookies, and this year a Gingerbread House. The kids are 3 and 4 years old so it was very "interesting".

We exchange gifts, have a Holiday dinner, play games and have more fun then should be allowed.
We follow most of the rituals of the Festivus made famous by Seinfeld.

We had a pole this year (although we also had ALL the Christmas decorations, tinsel doesn't distract us). Some of us "aired our grievances" at dinner, and Festivus was officially over with the "feats of strength" when someone was pinned.

Seriously, it was a weekend filled with very special memories for us all.

We have Festivus thanks to our good friends in Orlando.
We exchanged gifts every Christmas, but could never be together on Christmas since we live 130 miles from each other. Last year they came up with the idea of a Festivus celebration.

This year one of our daughters will not be with us on Christmas. She has recently married and her husband is from Iowa so they will be spending Christmas in Iowa.

Our son's "significant other" always goes home to his family for Christmas so this year we were able to spend Christmas with him also.

I'm so grateful that I was able to have a "christmas" with all the people who I love dearly.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO EVERYONE.

Proleukin

2009-11-07T10:11:00.000-05:00

I was recently contacted by a representative from Proleukin to make this information available on my blogs and websites.

PROLEUKIN, a prescription medication, is a form of immunotherapy that uses the body's natural immune system to fight cancer. PROLEUKIN has been used for over 10 years in the treatment of metastatic melanoma and over 15 years in the treatment of metastatic kidney cancer (renal cell carcinoma). Find out how PROLEUKIN can help and ask your doctor if you are a candidate for treatment with the medication.

This link will take you to their site. There is a link on the site for you to sign up for PROLEUKIN information, updates and inspiring treatment stories. I hope that something you find there will be helpful.

http://www.proleukin.com/index.jsp

Countdown to Halloween

2009-10-27T13:13:00.000-04:00

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

Our annual family and friends pumpkin carving challenge!
WOW...everyone did an awesome job this year!   These punkins are frame worthy!!
Our winner will be announced on the 31st!   WHOO HOOOO!!!
On another note....the UPS guy just delivered my new CRICUT!!!   I'll spend the rest of the afternoon playing!!   =)

Halloween

2009-10-06T16:19:00.001-04:00

Halloween is my second favorite holiday...I love that on this holiday I can be creative and NOT have to cook for 15 people...give or take!!
Livi and I spent the afternoon making "scary things" for our Halloween tree. Thanks to Sizzix and Cricut ;)
Notice her 4 eyed pumpkin at the bottom of the tree...very S C A R Y ! ! She had the best time! Three year olds are totally uninhibited and will create ANYTHING!! She LOVES arts and crafts!

How to Dance in the Rain

2009-09-30T23:07:00.002-04:00

I'm not sure who authored this, I got it in an email today, it's just one of those things that has to be shared...beautiful.

It was a busy morning, about 8:30 , when an elderlygentleman in his 80's arrived at the hospital to have stitches removed from his thumb. He said he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am.

I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him. I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound. On exam, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound.

While taking care of his wound, I asked him if he had another doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry.

The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife. I inquired as to her health.

He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer's Disease.

As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late.

He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now.

I was surprised, and asked him, 'And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?'

He smiled as he patted my hand and said,

'She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is.'

I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought,

'That is the kind of love I want in my life.'

True love is neither physical, nor romantic.

True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.

The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have. Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain.

                                          Sing Loud, Laugh Often, Give Thanks,
                                       Hug Long, Live Simply, Love Generously,
                                   Care Deeply, Speak Kindly & Daydream

No matter what your political views are you HAVE to LAUGH at this!!!

2009-09-20T14:23:00.003-04:00

moron with signs blog <---click to go to website
Funniest stuff I've seen in a while!!

I just got diagnosed with melanoma on my leg. My... - JustAnswer

2009-09-19T11:52:00.003-04:00

Image by milomingo via Flickr

I just got diagnosed with melanoma on my leg. My... - JustAnswer
shared via addthis.com

This is the MOST IRRESPONSIBLE advice I've ever seen. This is one of those sites we are all warned about...DO NOT believe everything you read on the internet!!! This advice could mean this girls life! I wish there was some way I could get in touch with this girl...she was dx with melanoma and now has throat and jaw pain. This "Dr." is advising her to see an ENT?!?!?! She needs to see her dermatologist or oncologist ASAP!!! This is very upsetting! =(

http://www.dermtv.com/most-important-skin-cancer-myths 5 skin cancer myths

Scrap by Color! Color Match Scrapbooking Tool by Scrapbook.com.

2009-09-17T11:03:00.002-04:00

Scrap by Color! Color Match Scrapbooking Tool by Scrapbook.com.

Shared via AddThis

What a great new tool. As someone who loves to do anything creative I can truly appreciate this! This tool can be used in so many ways. Obviously you can use it to scrapbook digitally, but you can also use it to get ideas to scrapbook the "old fashioned" way.
You can buy 8x8 frames to frame scrapbook pages which is an idea I love.
Use it to design a flyer, or promotion piece for your business, you could even use it to design a web page...the possibilities are unlimited! Great way to check out colors. Start going through those pics!!
Christmas is coming (groan), scrapbooks, picture books, or even slide shows set to music are great ideas for meaningful gifts!

Skin Cancer & Melanoma Prevention - Shade Foundation's Award-Winning Self Exam Video

2009-09-14T12:18:00.001-04:00

The Baseball Wife: Shonda Schilling Explains Her Melanoma & SHADE Foundation

2009-09-14T12:13:00.001-04:00

September 11, 2001 As Seen From Space

2009-09-11T12:22:00.076-04:00

source: September 11, 2001 As Seen From Space « Internet Pop Culture:
"September 11, 2001 As Seen From Space
In History on September 10, 2009 at 7:41 pm

We’ve seen so many shocking and startling images of 9/11 from the perspective of people on the ground but what did that terrible day look like from space?

As you will see from the following photos the chaos taking place in lower Manhattan was very visible from more than 250 miles above Earth inside the International Space Station.

View of the World Trade Center days later from the North.

One of a series of pictures taken of metropolitan New York City (and other parts of New York as well as New Jersey) by one of the Expedition Three crew members onboard the International Space Station (ISS) at various times during the day of September 11, 2001. The image shows a smoke plume rising from the Manhattan area. The orbital outpost was flying at an altitude of approximately 250 miles. The image was recorded with a digital still camera. (via globalsecurity.org)

This still image, taken from video sent from the International Space Station on Tuesday, shows a smoke plume rising from the Manhattan area of New York City. (via globalsecurity.org)

Military EC-3 Recon photo of WTC site

The smoke plume extending into Jersey City, New Jersey.

View of New York City on 9/11/01 from the International Space Station.

Shifting winds move the smoke plume into Brooklyn and Long Island."

NEVER FORGET.

Safe Flight donates $50,000 to CAN | General Aviation News

2009-09-11T11:56:00.002-04:00

Image via Wikipedia

Posted by Janice Wood · September 10, 2009
Safe Flight Instrument Corp. has contributed $50,000 to support the work of Corporate Angel Network, the public charity that coordinates free flights to treatment for cancer patients using the empty seats of business aircraft.

The organization, which has received dozens of honors for its humanitarian work, has arranged flights for more than 32,000 cancer patients.

For more information: 914-328-1313, CorpAngelNetwork.org or SafeFlight.com

Thank you Mr. President.

2009-09-10T00:11:00.003-04:00

Image by MatthewBradley via Flickr

I pray that we can get something passed that will give ALL Americans affordable and attainable health insurance.

The White House has released the text of the letter from the late Sen. Ted Kennedy that President Obama referenced in his address to Congress. How sad that he won’t be here to see his life’s work come to fruition, but how proud he must be watching from wherever he is.

May 12, 2009

Dear Mr. President,

I wanted to write a few final words to you to express my gratitude for your repeated personal kindnesses to me – and one last time, to salute your leadership in giving our country back its future and its truth.

On a personal level, you and Michelle reached out to Vicki, to our family and me in so many different ways. You helped to make these difficult months a happy time in my life.

You also made it a time of hope for me and for our country.

When I thought of all the years, all the battles, and all the memories of my long public life, I felt confident in these closing days that while I will not be there when it happens, you will be the President who at long last signs into law the health care reform that is the great unfinished business of our society. For me, this cause stretched across decades; it has been disappointed, but never finally defeated. It was the cause of my life. And in the past year, the prospect of victory sustained me-and the work of achieving it summoned my energy and determination.

There will be struggles – there always have been – and they are already underway again. But as we moved forward in these months, I learned that you will not yield to calls to retreat – that you will stay with the cause until it is won. I saw your conviction that the time is now and witnessed your unwavering commitment and understanding that health care is a decisive issue for our future prosperity. But you have also reminded all of us that it concerns more than material things; that what we face is above all a moral issue; that at stake are not just the details of policy, but fundamental principles of social justice and the character of our country.

And so because of your vision and resolve, I came to believe that soon, very soon, affordable health coverage will be available to all, in an America where the state of a family’s health will never again depend on the amount of a family’s wealth. And while I will not see the victory, I was able to look forward and know that we will – yes, we will – fulfill the promise of health care in America as a right and not a privilege.

In closing, let me say again how proud I was to be part of your campaign- and proud as well to play a part in the early months of a new era of high purpose and achievement. I entered public life with a young President who inspired a generation and the world. It gives me great hope that as I leave, another young President inspires another generation and once more on America’s behalf inspires the entire world.

So, I wrote this to thank you one last time as a friend- and to stand with you one last time for change and the America we can become.

At the Denver Convention where you were nominated, I said the dream lives on.

And I finished this letter with unshakable faith that the dream will be fulfilled for this generation, and preserved and enlarged for generations to come.

With deep respect and abiding affection,

[Ted]

Words That Should Be Perma-Banned (But We Sometimes Use)

2009-09-02T10:54:00.004-04:00

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click link to read online article with comments
FUN WITH WORDS....

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Words That Should Be Perma-Banned (But We Sometimes Use)
11:14 am Monday Nov 10, 2008
by Caroline Stanley
At the end of the day we personally find ourselves peppering conversations with the same fairly unique phrases. It’s a nightmare, and with all due respect we pray that nobody has noticed at this moment in time.

The Oxford University Corpus is a database of overused buzzwords pulled from books, magazines, broadcast, online media and other sources. A new book called DAMP SQUID: THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE LAID BARE by JEREMY BUTTERFIELD reveals the top 10 tiresome phrases that are currently on their abort list:

1 – At the end of the day
2 – Fairly unique
3 – I personally
4 – At this moment in time
5 – With all due respect
6 – Absolutely
7 – It’s a nightmare
8 – Shouldn’t of
9 – 24/7
10 – It’s not rocket science

“I’m looking at the list now, and the only phrase on it that I’ve actually heard or seen recently is ‘24/7,’ which wasn’t even that annoying,” responds RON HOGAN, creator of Beatrice.com. “A really up-to-date list would probably include more phrases from the Internets like ‘for the win,’ ‘I can has [X],’ or ‘OMG.’ Which makes this list an epic fail.”

After the jump, Flavorwire attempts to best Oxford researchers with seven additional phrases. Maybe we shouldn’t of, but we absolutely had to try. Come on, it’s not rock science.

1 – For the win
2 – I can has [X]
3 – OMG
4 – [X] dot com
5 – Actually
6 – Snarky
7 – Hipster (and any derivative)
8 – Literally
9 – Fashionista
10- Organic

Ok, now you tell us — what did we miss?

(10 votes, average: 3.8 out of 5)

Pre-Wedding Shenanigans...

2009-08-23T23:34:00.000-04:00

Feeling very nostalgic...slideshow of pre-wedding activities...

Make a Smilebox slideshow

A Quick 3 Hour Trip to Sea World

2009-08-22T21:22:00.003-04:00

When Sea World is in your "back yard" you can take mini trips...
SEA WORLD ORLANDO, thru the eyes of a 3 and 4 year old...

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Maria Shriver's euolgy to her mother...beautiful.

2009-08-15T21:33:00.004-04:00

Image by rogercarr via Flickr

What a legacy this woman leaves... and what a beautiful tribute to her mother....

Maria Shriver eulogized her mother today at her funeral Mass in Hyannis. Behind her stood her brothers Timothy, Anthony, Robert and Mark.
Vice President Biden, Governor Patrick, we want to thank all of you for coming here today to honor and celebrate the life of our mother.
Over the past few days, our mother has been called everything from a saint, to a pioneer, to a trailblazer, to a true original, to a civil rights advocate of legendary proportions, to a force of human nature who more than held her own in a family of highly competitive, high-achieving men. She was indeed a transformative figure.
But to her five children -- Mark, Bobby, Timmy, and Anthony -- to all of us, she was simply, "Mummy."
Mummy was our hero. She was scary smart and not afraid to show it. She was tough, but also compassionate. Driven, but also really fun and funny. Competitive, but also empathetic. Restless and patient. Curious and prayerful.
She liked to hang with the guys, but all her heroes -- except for her brother Jack -- were women.
She had a husband who was totally devoted to her in every sense of that word. A man who marveled at everything she said and everything she did. He didn't mind if her hair was a mess, if she walked around in a wet bathing suit, if she beat him in tennis, or challenged his ideas. He let her rip and he let her roar and he loved everything about her. Add that to five kids who adored her and loved to be with her, and you have the ultimate role model. Mummy was all of our best friends, and it was an honor for all of us to be her children, and a special privilege for me to be her daughter.
Now that's not to say it was always easy being her kid, because she wasn't exactly like any other mother you'd ever seen. As a young girl, I didn't actually know how to process her appearance much at the time, because most of the mothers were dressed up and neatly coiffed. Mummy wore men's pants, she smoked Cuban cigars, and she played tackle football.
She would come to pick us all up at school in her blue Lincoln convertible, her hair would be flying in the wind, there usually would be some pencils or pens in it. The car would be filled with all these boys and their friends and their animals. She'd have on a cashmere sweater with little notes pinned to it to remind her of what she needed to do when she got home. And more often than not, the sweater would be covering a bathing suit, so she could lose no time jumping into the pool to beat us all in a water polo game. Needless to say, when the nuns would announce her arrival, I would try to run for cover.
Mummy, when she wasn't trying to beat each of us in a game of tennis or on the football field, you could usually find her at Mass with our father, praying or working. And I mean really working. She was, as you all know, determined to change the world for people with intellectual disabilities, and she did, and you had no choice but to join her in her mission, which took all of us from our backyard to every state in this nation and just as many countries around the world. Our mother never rested, she never stopped; she was momentum on wheels. She was focused, relentless, and she got the job done.
Today when I close my mind, and I'm sure this goes for my brothers as well and we think about our mother, we see her clapping her hands and cheering us all on in everything we did. I see her encouraging me to beat my brothers in tennis. I see her moving my books from the back of the bookstore to the front of the bookstore, and when the manager would call and tell her she couldn’t do that, she’d tell him to go right back behind the desk where he belonged and be quiet. I hear her when I would call her on the phone.
At 15, she sent me to Africa to live with a family in the medina section of Tunis, and I'd call to complain that there was no running water, no toilet, and I was sleeping with five men, and she'd said, "I don't want to hear one more yip out of you, get your job done and don't come back until you're finished." I've heard, "I don’t want to hear one more yip out of you" a lot.
I see her urging my father to take me everywhere with my brothers, including right into the Baltimore Oriole locker room. I see her, as I'm sure my brothers do, laughing, praying, sailing, loving each and every one of us equally. And while she counseled me that she was raising me in a man's world, she let me know that there was no doubt in her mind that I could compete, that I should compete, and that I could win.
Mummy was indeed a trailblazer. She showed up in her life as herself, and that takes courage. She took adversity and turned it into advantage. Inspired by the rejection she saw many women face, especially her sister Rosemary and her mother, and other mothers of special children, she turned that into her life’s focus and her life’s passion and mission. Her own brand of what I’d call maternal feminism. She believed 100 percent in the power and the gifts of women to change the language, the tempo, and the character of this world. Her heroes were the Virgin Mary, Mother Teresa, Dorothy Day, her own mother, her sister Rosemary. All of whom in her eyes had already done that, and she would always challenge each of us to do the same. You will, she said, you must, you can.
If she were here today and speaking here -- and I think we all wish she were -- she would pound this podium, she would quote Teilhard de Chardin, and ask each of you what you have done today to better the world. She would tell you stories about her special friends and what they have accomplished, and she would ask each and every one of you to join her in making this world a more tolerant, just, and compassionate place. She would end by talking about her own family, how grateful she was to her parents and to her brothers and sisters, all of whom she absolutely adored. She’d tell you how proud she was of Sargent, and then she'd tell you how proud she was of each of us.
And she would tell you about each thing each of us did, and she'd ask you for money, for all four of our brothers who run non-profits they'll probably ask you later, but she would ask you. So on behalf of them -- [pointing to each of her brothers] Save the Children, Bread, Best Buddies, Special Olympics -- and then she would remind all of you that you hadn’t done enough and there was much more to do, and you would leave this church simply in awe of her.
Mummy was indeed a towering figure. I'm sure everybody in this church has a story about her, a story that would make you laugh, make you cry, a story that would make you roll your eyes at her audacity and her brilliance. She was the real deal, a woman who did everything women aspired to. She had a great husband, she had a great family, a deep, deep faith in God, and she combined that with being a fearless warrior for the voiceless. I am so thrilled, as I know my brothers are, that people all over the world are hearing about her this week, in editorials and on television, because they need to hear stories about individuals like Mummy.
I'm especially glad that young women are hearing about her, because she was a woman who didn't choose, and women are often told you have to choose to be this, or that, this kind of woman, you have to dress this way, talk this way, you have to have one opinion. Well Mummy wasn't like that, she didn’t choose.
She let all the different parts of her go out, and that's what made her unique. She didn't allow herself to be tamed, or contained. She achieved herself, her true authentic self. The very same woman who made grown men quake in their boots when she stepped foot on Capitol Hill was the very same woman who spent quality time with each and every one of us, making us feel loved, making us believe in our self. She spent quality time with each of those grandchildren you saw here on this altar, building sandcastles, looking for leprechauns, looking for mermaids. She didn't choose between being strong and soft, complex or simple.As her story goes out this week, I believe that she will become a new torchbearer for women of our time, sending a new message. That you don't have to be a certain way, you don't have to fit a stereotype, that over your life you can have a full, complete, spiritual life -- a life that is about others and a life that is about family. Her story, I believe, teaches that women are complex and they can live out every simple, single aspect of that complexity.
In closing, let me say that in the last few years of her life, I found Mummy to be almost more awe-inspiring than in her 85 years. She who never sat still was forced to confront stillness, and it was hard for her, but she never complained and she never asked for pity. She fought, and she fought, and she fought, right up until her very last breath.
Over the years, all of us learned so much from her, by listening to her, by watching her, and this past year, I learned from her as well. As she softened, she gave me permission to do the same. As she sat still, she taught me how important that is in one's life. She taught us that real strength can also be found in real vulnerability, and that it's OK -- even important -- to lean on those who love you.
Now if you had told me a few years ago that at the end of my mother's life she and I would sit in a room and just be, I would have said you were crazy. If you had told me that at the age of 52, I would finally get up the nerve to crawl into bed with my mother, hold her, and tell her that I love her, I would have said you were nuts. And if you had told me that Mummy and I would write poetry together, I would know for sure you that you'd lost your mind. But all those things really happened, as Mummy learned to let go. At the end of her life, she was strong and vulnerable, she was tired and tireless, determined and also ready to surrender to God. She did it all, she lived it all, and she loved us all.
To be honest, I think it's impossible for each of us to think about our life without Mummy. It's interesting, as we've talked amongst us the last couple of days, each of us felt like an only child. Each of us felt as though our mother was our best friend. Each of us talked to her every day, and sometimes more than once. And of course, I think if I said to my mother, which I often did, "I can't go on without you, I don't know how to live without you," she'd say, "You're fine, I've raised you well, now get out there, I don't want to hear one more yip, get going, your brothers will be nice to you."
And so I will, we all will, get up and get going.
But I wanted to leave you with this little poem that my mother and I wrote together in a hospital room in Boston. I read it to her several times, and she liked it, a lot. It has no name but I thought she would like me to share it with you. It goes like this:
Thank you Mummy, for giving me the breath of life. Thank you for giving me a push over and over again. Thank you for doing your best. Here we are, you and me. Now it’s you, needing the breath of life. Now it’s you, needing the push. You did it to me, let me do it for you. Your love has brought me to my knees, I cannot breathe without you, I cannot think without you, I am lost without you. Here we are, you and me, the clouds are gone, the sky is clear. You are the star in my sky, you are the music in my heart. Do you hear it? Listen. Listen. Mummy, you are the trumpet of my life.
Amen.

Source: http://http//www.boston.com/news/local/breaking_news/2009/08/maria_shivers_e.html

Can I do this?

2009-08-08T01:24:00.006-04:00

I'm already thinking maybe I can't do this. Maybe this is taking me to a dark place that I shouldn't be going to.
Maybe it's just the month....August, again August.
Or maybe the truth is that what life is like a decade after losing a child, is for the most part...normal, unless you're thinking about your loss. Then it's not anywhere near normal. So maybe a decade after a loss like this you just can't think about it...
Having just said my life is normal makes me feel guilty. How could my life be normal? Maybe normal isn't the right word? Maybe life, (like what I've written so far) is just very confusing.
Truth is life will never be normal for me. Geezzz, that sounds so 'poor me'.
It's been 11 years, 11 months, and 8 days, I've watched two other daughters get married, and one daughter have a baby. Normal events in life...joyous events in life. So many days are normal for me, but now and again the sadness creeps in. The "I want a do over" washes over me.
I don't react to loss like most people would, simple loss, like a child moving to another state...I can barely type that sentence. Most people probably wouldn't even see that as a loss.
I don't react to illness like most people do. When one of my kids doesn't feel well I panic...always...no matter what the symptoms are. I can make myself sick over worrrying about what could be going on, when it's just a cold or sore throat.
I think the rest of my life I will not be able to have an appropriate reaction to some things.
Maybe that's what life is like forever after losing a child.
What's even crazier is that I sometimes see Kelly...like I imagine her on vacation, she's always at the beach...wow, I better stop before they send someone to take me away.
I wonder if everyone who loses a child has these feelings.

August...not my favorite month.

2009-08-05T23:49:00.007-04:00

Image via Wikipedia

Well, here it is August again...August 5th to be exact.
So that makes it 11 years, 11 months, and 5 days.
She died the same day Princess Diana died.
This is always a reflective month for me.
I think of Kelly every day, but August is different. August usually brings back the really bad memories. The memories of illness. Chemo, surgery, radiation, wigs, total loss of her independence, do not resuscitate, hospice...
And a trip to Sea World. Our last try for some normalcy. We pushed her around in a wheel chair. She laughed. She had fun. She didn't want to leave Shamu. We had to go the the clinic. For the first time the pain meds weren't working. They said give her more, it's OK.
I think we all knew that day the end was near. I wonder if deep down she knew too. We never talked about death, not really.
One time, she said "when" I die I think I'd like my ashes scattered at Honeymoon Island. But she wasn't talking about her imminent death. We were talking death in general. Niether one of us could ever bring ourselves to talk about the possibility of her dying. One time she said "what will happen to my kids if I die"...I feel like such a coward, I couldn't have that discussion...I said, "you're going to be fine, but you know I'll always be here to take care of them". I wonder if she wanted more than what I was offering.
I haven't officially "announced" this blog. When I do I'd really like to hear from others who have lost a child. I'd like to know what it's like for others a "decade" after losing a child, or anyone you've loved and lost.
I think now, almost 12 years later, losing her is something like 'background' music...it's always there, but you don't always notice it. I still long for a second chance.

If anyone stumbles across this feel free to tell me your story. I think it feels so good to write it down. I always feel even now, that when I tell someone about what happened to Kelly in some small way it keeps her here with me.

New DNA Vaccine Inhibits Deadly Skin Cancer In Mice

2009-07-21T12:40:00.007-04:00

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New DNA Vaccine Inhibits Deadly Skin Cancer In Mice

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This is what it's like after losing a child, for me anyway. I never stop looking and trying to figure out how this happened. If a sunburn when she was little was to blame (me), or could it have been genetics? I wonder if there will be a cure. I have a very hopefull feeling when I see news stories like this one.

Read the article here: http://www.blogger.com/www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/07/090721110609.htm
"In conclusion, we have demonstrated for the first time that immune responses which are elicited by a novel anti-GRP DNA vaccine suppress the proliferation and growth of melanoma tumors in mice," say the researchers. "The antiangiogenesis and antimetastastic activities of this DNA vaccine suggest a novel approach against various cancers, especially malignant melanoma."

11 years 10 months and 14 days

2009-07-14T11:40:00.005-04:00

I still count how long it's been since you left us.
I wonder if I'll ever just say, it's been 11 years, or almost 12 years?
When I think of how long it's been, I have to know exactly how long it's been.
You've missed so much...and we've missed you. Our family has changed so much since you died.
I picked up a clip of Brooke's wedding video. It was a great day, I wish you had been there.
You were missed.
I look back on all the things you've missed and feel a deep sense of saddness. I'll never forget what you told me after my brother died. "He wouldn't want us all to be so sad" I think you told me that more than once. It's unbelievable that you would be gone just two years after you told me that!
Today is Mark's birthday, I so often think of all the time the two of you spent watching movies when you were sick. I'm so glad you had that "sib" time together.
The words your friend Kim spoke at your funeral..."miss me, but let me go", were so profound, I know you would want us to miss you, but I know you would want us to let you go. I know we'll see each other again, till then, save a place for us all.